Archive for the ‘Not So Apathetic’ Category

At some point in one’s life, one finds a song that just turns it all around. One minute you’re jaded, the next moment you’re just going “wow!” smiling like a fool, gushing, eyes wide, hitting “repeat” and just taking in the words, the melody – the song.

I cannot remember the last time I ever said I am inlove with a song, it seems like ages ago, but just the other night, this song played on my favorite local FM news radio (kinda like our NPR) and I just found myself turning up the volume a little bit, and lying still, all ears, as this song played on.

I have always been a fan of Jason Mraz, but I am loving him more now. (well, except for all that hair. What on earth happened? He looked so much better with a cleaner cut) It’s just too bad that here in our country, the song is about to have a bleak future as it gets covered (murdered) by so-called “acoustic” acts and celebrities with imagined musical talents. Tsk.

When that happens, thank God there is this video to remind me of the untainted beauty of the song.

I Won’t Give Up – Jason Mraz

And of course, the lyrics 😉
When I look into your eyes
It’s like watching the night sky
Or a beautiful sunrise
There’s so much they hold
And just like them old stars
I see that you’ve come so far
To be right where you are
How old is your soul?

I won’t give up on us
Even if the skies get rough
I’m giving you all my love
I’m still looking up

And when you’re needing your space
To do some navigating
I’ll be here patiently waiting
To see what you find

‘Cause even the stars they burn
Some even fall to the earth
We’ve got a lot to learn
God knows we’re worth it
No, I won’t give up

I don’t wanna be someone who walks away so easily
I’m here to stay and make the difference that I can make
Our differences they do a lot to teach us how to use
The tools and gifts we got yeah, we got a lot at stake
And in the end, you’re still my friend at least we did intend
For us to work we didn’t break, we didn’t burn
We had to learn how to bend without the world caving in
I had to learn what I’ve got, and what I’m not
And who I am

I won’t give up on us
Even if the skies get rough
I’m giving you all my love
I’m still looking up
Still looking up.

I won’t give up on us (no I’m not giving up)
God knows I’m tough enough (I am tough, I am loved)
We’ve got a lot to learn (we’re alive, we are loved)
God knows we’re worth it (and we’re worth it)

I won’t give up on us
Even if the skies get rough
I’m giving you all my love
I’m still looking up

 

Most of us probably had this as an assigned reading text back in high school. This is such a classic and one that introduced me and made me love the wokrs of Mr. Vonnegut. And sthis, I think, is one of the most romantic stories ever written, i thought it would be nice to post this on Valentine’s Day.

Long Walk to Forever
by Kurt Vonnegut

They had grown up next door to each other, on the fringe of a city, near fields and woods and orchards, within sight of a lovely bell tower that belonged to a school for the blind.

Now they were twenty, had not seen each other for nearly a year. There had always been playful, comfortable warmth between them, but never any talk of love.

His name was Newt. Her name was Catharine. In the early afternoon, Newt knocked on
Catharine’s front door.

Catharine came to the door. She was carrying a fat, glossy magazine she had been reading. The magazine was devoted entirely to brides. “Newt!” she said. She was surprised to see him.

“Could you come for a walk?” he said. He was a shy person, even with Catharine. He
covered his shyness by speaking absently as though what really concerned him were far
away–as though he were a secret agent pausing briefly on a mission between beautiful, distant, and sinister points. This manner of speaking had always been Newt’s style, even in matters that concerned him desperately.

“A walk?” said Catharine.
“One foot in front of the other,” said Newt, “through leaves, over bridges—”
“I had no idea you were in town,” she said.
“Just this minute got in,” he said.
“Still in the Army, I see,” she said.
“Seven months more to go,” he said. He was a private first class in the Artillery. His uniform was rumpled. His shoes were dusty. He needed a shave. He held out his hand for the magazine. “Let’s see the pretty book,” he said.
She gave it to him. “I’m getting married, Newt,” she said.
“I know,” he said. “Let’s go for a walk.”
“I’m awfully busy, Newt,” she said. “The wedding is only a week away.”
“If we go for a walk,” he said, “it will make you rosy. It will make you a rosy bride.” He turned the pages of the magazine. “A rosy bride like her–like her–like her,” he said, showing her rosy brides.

Catharine turned rosy, thinking about rosy brides.
“That will be my present to Henry Stewart Chasens,” said Newt. “By taking you for a walk,
I’ll be giving him a rosy bride.”
“You know his name?” she said.
“Mother wrote,” he said. “From Pittsburgh?”
“Yes,” she said. “You’d like him.”
“Maybe,” he said.
“Can–can you come to the wedding, Newt?” she said.
“That I doubt,” he said.
“Your furlough isn’t for long enough?” she said.
“Furlough?” said Newt. He was studying a two page ad for flat silver. “I’m not on furlough,” he said.
“Oh?” she said.
“I’m what they call A.W.O.L.,” said Newt.
“Oh, Newt! You’re not!” she said.
“Sure I am,” he said, still looking at the magazine.
“Why, Newt?” she said.
“I had to find out what your silver pattern is,” he said. He read names of silver patterns from the magazine. Albemarle? Heather?” he said. “Legend? Rambler Rose?” He looked up, smiled. “I plan to give you and your husband a spoon,” he said.

“Newt, Newt–tell me really,” she said.
“I want to go for a walk,” he said.
She wrung her hands in sisterly anguish. “Oh, Newt–you’re fooling me about being A.W.O.L.,” she said.
Newt imitated a police siren softly, and raised his eyebrows.
“Where–where from?”
“Fort Bragg,” he said.
“North Carolina?” she said.
“That’s right,” he said. “Near Fayetteville–where Scarlet O’Hara went to school.”
“How did you get here, Newt?” she said.
He raised his thumb, jerked it in a hitchhike gesture. “Two days,” he said.
“Does your mother know?” she said.
“I didn’t come to see my mother,” he told her.
“Who did you come to see?” she said.
“You,” he said.
“Why me?” she said.
“Because I love you,” he said. “Now can we take a walk?” he said. “One foot in front of the other–through leaves, over bridges–”

They were taking the walk now, were in a woods with a brown-leaf floor.
Catharine was angry and rattled, close to tears. “Newt,” she said, “this is absolutely crazy.”
“How so?” said Newt.
“What a crazy time to tell me you love me,” she said. “You never talked that way before.” She stopped walking.
“Let’s keep walking,” he said.
“No,” she said. “So far, no farther. I shouldn’t have come out with you at all,” she said.
“You did,” he said.
“To get you out of the house,” she said. “If somebody walked in and heard you talking to me that way, a week before the wedding–”
“What would they think?” he said.
“They’d think you were crazy,” she said.
“Why?” he said
Catharine took a deep breath, made a speech. “Let me say that I’m deeply honored by this crazy thing you’ve done,” she said. “I can’t believe you’re really A.W.O.L., but maybe you are. I can’t believe you really love me, but maybe you do. But–”
“I do,” said Newt.
“Well, I’m deeply honored,” said Catharine, “and I’m very fond of you as a friend, Newt, extremely fond–but it’s just too late.” She took a step away from him. “You’ve never even kissed me,” she said, and she protected herself with her hands. “I don’t mean you should do it now. I just mean that this is all so unexpected. I haven’t got the remotest idea of how to respond.”
“Just walk some more,” he said. “Have a nice time.”
They started walking again.
“How did you expect me to react?” she said.
“How would I know what to expect?” he said. “I’ve never done anything like this before.”
Did you think I would throw myself into your arms?” she said.
“Maybe,” he said.
“I’m sorry to disappoint you,” she said.
“I’m not disappointed,” he said. “I wasn’t counting on it. This is very nice, just walking.”
Catharine stopped again. “You know what happens next?” she said.
“Nope,” he said.
“We shake hands,” she said. “We shake hands and part friends,” she said. “That’s what happens next.”
Newt nodded. “All right,” he said. “Remember me from time to time. Remember how much I loved you.”
Involuntarily, Catharine burst into tears. She turned her back to Newt, looked into the infinite colonnade of the woods.
“What does that mean?” said Newt.
“Rage!” said Catharine. She clenched her hands. “You have no right–”
“I had to find out,” he said.
“If I’d loved you,” she said, “I would have let you know before now.”
“You would?” he said.
“Yes,” she said. She faced him, looked up at him, her face quite red. “You would have known,” she said.
“How?” he said.
“You would have seen it,” she said. “Women aren’t very clever at hiding it.”
Newt looked closely at Catharine’s face now. To her consternation, she realized that what she had said was true, that a woman couldn’t hide love.
Newt was seeing love now.
And he did what he had to do. He kissed her.

“You’re hell to get along with!” she said when Newt let her go.
“I am?” said Newt.
“You shouldn’t have done that,” she said.
“You didn’t like it?” he said.
“What did you expect,” she said–“wild, adandoned passion?”
“I keep telling you,” he said,” I never know what’s going to happen next.”
“We say good-by,” she said.
He frowned slightly. “All right,” he said.
She made another speech. “I’m not sorry we kissed,” she said. “That was sweet. We should have kissed, we’ve been so close. I’ll always remember you , Newt, and good luck.”
“You too,” he said.
“Thirty days,” he said.
“What?” she said.
“Thirty days in the stockade,” he said–“that’s what one kiss will cost me.”
“I–I’m sorry,” she said, “but I didn’t ask you to go A.W.O.L.”
“I know,” he said.
“You certainly don’t deserve any hero’s reward for doing something as foolish as that,” she said.
“Must be nice to be a hero,” said Newt. “Is Henry Stewart Chasens a hero?”
“He might be, if he got the chance,” said Catharine. She noted uneasily that they had begun to walk again. The farewell had been forgotten.
“You really love him?” he said.
“Certainly I love him!” she said hotly. “I wouldn’t marry him if I didn’t love him!”
“What’s good about him?” said Newt.
“Honestly!” she cried, stopping again. “Do you have any idea how offensive you’re being? Many, many, many things are good about Henry! Yes,” she said, “and many, many, many things are probably bad, too. But that isn’t any of your business. I love Henry, and I don’t have to argue his merits with you!”
“Sorry,” said Newt.
“Honestly!” said Catharine.
Newt kissed her again. He kissed her again because she wanted him to.

They were now in a large orchard.
“How did we get so far from home, Newt?” said Catharine.
“One foot in front of the other–through leaves, over bridges,” said Newt.
“They add up–the steps,” she said.
Bells rang in the tower of the school for the blind nearby.
“School for the blind,” said Newt.
“School for the blind,” said Catharine. She shook her head in drowsy wonder. “I’ve got to go back now,” she said.
“Say good-by,” said Newt.
“Every time I do,” said Catharine, “I seem to get kissed.”
Newt sat down on the close-cropped grass under an apple tree. “Sit down,” he said.
“No,” she said.
“I won’t touch you,” he said.
“I don’t believe you,” she said.
She sat down under another tree, twenty feet away from him. She closed her eyes.
“Dream of Henry Stewart Chasens,” he said.
“What?” she said.
“Dream of your wonderful husband-to-be,” he said.
“All right, I will,” she said. She closed her eyes tighter, caught glimpses of her husband-to-be.
Newt yawned.
The bees were humming in the trees, and Catharine almost fell asleep. When she opened her eyes she saw that Newt really was asleep.
He began to snore softly.
Catharine let him sleep for an hour, and while he slept she adored him with all her heart.
The shadows of the apple trees grew to the east. The bells in the tower of the school for the blind rang again.
“*chick-a-dee-dee-dee*,” went a chickadee.
Somewhere far away an automobile started nagged and failed, nagged and failed, fell still.
Catharine came out from under her tree, knelt by Newt.
“Newt?” she said.
“H’m?” he said. He opened his eyes.
“Late,” she said.
“Hello, Catharine,” he said.
“Hello, Newt,” she said.
“I love you,” he said.
“I know,” she said.
“Too late,” he said.
“Too late,” she said.
He stood, stretched groaningly. “A very nice walk,” he said.
“I thought so,” she said.
“Part company here?” he said.
“Where will you go?” she said.
“Hitch into town, turn myself in,” he said.
“Good luck,” she said.
“You too,” he said. “Marry me, Catharine?”
“No,” she said.
He smiled, stared at her hard for a moment, then walked away quickly.
Catharine watched him grow smaller in the long perspective of shadows and trees, knew that if he stopped and turned now, if he called to her, she would run to him. She would have no choice.
Newt did stop. He did turn. He did call. “Catharine,” he called.
She ran to him, put her arms aroud him, could not speak.

The Truth About Love

“Have you ever been in love? Horrible isn’t it? It makes you so vulnerable. It opens your chest and it opens up your heart and it means that someone can get inside you and mess you up. You build up all these defenses, you build up a whole suit of armor, so that nothing can hurt you, then one stupid person, no different from any other stupid person, wanders into your stupid life…You give them a piece of you. They didn’t ask for it. They did something dumb one day, like kiss you or smile at you, and then your life isn’t your own anymore. Love takes hostages. It gets inside you. It eats you out and leaves you crying in the darkness, so simple a phrase like ‘maybe we should be just friends’ turns into a glass splinter working its way into your heart. It hurts. Not just in the imagination. Not just in the mind. It’s a soul-hurt, a real gets-inside-you-and-rips-you-apart pain. I hate love.” – Neil Gaiman

So Worthy

A man asked the woman he was pursuing the question, What kind of man are you looking for?

She sat quietly for a moment before looking him in the eyes and asking, Do you really want to know?

Reluctantly, he said, Yes.

She began to speak. As a woman in this day and age, I am in a position to ask a man what he can do for me that I can`t do for myself. I pay my own bills. I take care of my household without the help of any man or woman for that matter. I am in the position to ask, What can you bring to the table?

The man looked at her. Clearly he thought that she was referring to money. She quickly corrected his thought and stated, I am not referring to money. I need something more. I need a man who is striving for perfection in every aspect of life.

He sat back in his chair, folded his arms, and asked her to explain.
She said, I am looking for someone who is striving for perfection mentally because I need conversation and mental stimulation. I don`t need a simple minded man.

I am looking for someone who is striving for perfection spiritually because I don`t need to be unequally yoked; believers mixed with unbelievers are a recipe for disaster.

I need a man who is striving for perfection financially because I don`t need a financial burden.I am looking for someone who is sensitive enough to understand what I go through as a woman but strong enough to keep me grounded.

I am looking for someone whom I can respect. In order to be submissive, I must respect him. I cannot be submissive to a man who isn`t taking care of his business. I have no problem being submissive; he just has to be worthy.
God made woman to be a help mate for man. I can`t help a man if he can`t help himself.When she finished peaking, she looked at him. He sat there with a puzzled look on his face. He said, You are asking a lot.
She replied,
I am worth a lot.

I have been following the CJ Corona impeachment trial since last week. We’re just on day 7 now, and no matter what both the defense and prosecution about their advantage / edge over the other, I still think that at this point, it is still early to tell. What is telling though, is how the congressmen-prosecutors are onviously quite clueless about trial proceedings. Much as they deny it, they were often caught unprepared. Heck, they do not even know what questions to ask or how to ask them according to procedure, or in such a way that will not compromise the rights of the one being impeached (or accused. They seem to forget that even hardened criminals have rights. tsk) I laughed out loud when one congressman prosecutor even told the presiding officer judge to be “flexible” and “liberal” in questioning the witnesses they presented. Hello?

They’re lucky the senator judges really just want to get this over and done with, and are doing their best to be as objective as possible. Last week it was a couple of senators who was able to make one witness bring out some very important documents. Yesterday it was another senator, who’s an expert in tax issues, who asked the questions since the witness being questioned is the Internal Revenue commisioner. But how long can the prosecution push their luck?

They had the Chritsmas break and long weekends to study and prepare for the case, what the hell is going on?

I can only hope that in the coming days, they won’t be singing this song anymore.

okay, the real title of the song is “Holding Out for A Hero” 😉